Lessons Learned from 13 Reasons Why

 The Netflix original that everyone is talking about, 13 Reasons Why, shows the brutal reality of life for the American teenager. It is at times tough to watch, but so very important at the same time.

The show deals with subjects that are rampant in our society, but subjects that nobody is comfortable talking about.

For the uninitiated, 13 Reasons Why is a show about depression, anxiety, suicide, and sexual assault. It follows teenager Clay Jensen (played marvelously by Dylan Minnette) as he looks to unravel the mystery revolving around his friend and crush, Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford), and her reasoning behind ending her own life. Hannah left a series of cassette tapes (13, unsurprisingly) detailing the reasons why she did it.

It paints an unsettling picture, partially, if not mainly, because I think most of us see ourselves in the people around Hannah who could’ve done more to prevent her from killing herself. There were a lot of little things (and a couple really big ones) that drove Hannah to slitting her wrists in a bathtub.

There was bullying, gossiping, sexual perversion, jealousy, and a distinct lack of awareness from so many that led to the untimely ending of Hannah’s life. The ugly truth is that you would see almost all of that right now if you spent time in an average high school.

I can tell you from my own high school experience that I saw, and was embarrassingly a part of, most of that. I made fun of and picked on other people in high school because I had low self-esteem myself and wanted other people to like me; I’ve been a part of rumor spreading that damaged someone’s reputation; I’ve ignored warning signs that someone might hurt themselves; I’ve piled on to someone being picked on when if I was a stronger person I could’ve stepped in and tried to stop it, or in the very least given some support to the person going through it.

I’ve BEEN Clay Jensen; I’ve been the shy teenager too afraid to make a move on his crush because of the fear of rejection. I’ve sat on the sidelines and watched other people step in and take my crush from right under me because I was too afraid to say anything. I vividly could feel his pain and the blame he put on himself; I would’ve reacted the same way, if not worse.

It’s easy now in retrospect for all of us to look down atop our high-horses and admonish the kids, and some of the adults, in 13 Reasons Why for not doing more to save a life when there was ample opportunities to do so. But if you really look back at yourself 10, 20, or even 30+ years ago to the person you were in high school, would you have done anything differently than some of them?

Sure, you probably weren’t a predator like Bryce, but couldn’t you easily put yourselves in the shoes of Alex?

Alex was the new kid looking to fit in and participated in the creation of a list that objectified women in the school. He put a target on Hannah’s back by commenting on her figure, but what teenage male didn’t do that at some point.

What about Justin? The kid with the rough home life who never really felt like he belonged, and the only place he felt like he had any self-worth was at school. He was popular at school with a ton of friends, which made life just bearable enough. He took what seemed like an innocent picture of Hannah sliding down a slide, and then made the mistake of bragging about doing something with a girl that he didn’t do, and showed the picture to people he shouldn’t have shown it to.

When I was in high school there were always rumors flying around about who did what with who. Teenage boys in particular embellish stories of their sexual endeavors.

Justin allowing Jessica’s rape to happen is unjustifiable and despicable. But again, put yourself in his shoes for a second. Bryce was always there for Justin every time one of Justin’s mom’s boyfriends came around and was abusive towards him. Bryce made Justin comfortable for once in his life; Bryce was Justin’s family. I can’t say I would’ve reacted the same way and stood on the sidelines and let that happen if I was Justin because I honestly do not believe that I would have, but I can empathize with the powerlessness Justin felt in the whole situation.

What about Courtney, who was trying to hide her own sexuality in a society that for some reason still doesn’t fully support gay people.

The thing that makes 13 Reasons Why so powerful and so scary is its believability and the fact that it’s so easy to see yourself in these kids.

I’ve seen complaints online about how graphic the scenes of sexual assault are, and how graphically they depicted Hannah’s suicide. If it bothered you, then good; that was the point. Sexual assault isn’t pretty. Suicide isn’t pretty. But they are REAL, and they happen all the time.

Every year there are over 300,000 reported sexual assaults in this country, and that saddest part of that already mind-boggling high statistic is that it probably isn’t even close to the actual number because so many victims keep quiet and do not come forward for fear of repercussions from the perpetrator or the damage to their own reputation. And it fucking sucks.

The time is now to do something about it. Pay more attention to the women you are around. If you go to a party, look after those who have had too much to drink because that’s when the majority of these happen.

I think we can all take a lesson from this show in that we should be paying more attention to those we care about, and to those who don’t seem to have many people in their lives that care about them. We should be more kind to each other and lend a helping hand as often as we can. Offer help when it’s needed, and even when it’s not.

Don’t be afraid of the repercussions of having the difficult conversation or seeking out professional help for someone you think needs it. They might be mad at you in the interim, but you might just save a life.